WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? Don’t be negative, Warren. We have seen submissions. There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … Kyuties! British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. GORDON J: A big change of attitude. MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. The responses were pretty darn funny! LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Some patients aren’t always annoying. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. What school did you go to? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. 1 / 4. Witness: Yes. And it may close all of its retail locations. We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? On puppies: Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. – Ann Landers. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. – Ann Landers. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. Funny Judge Jokes. Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. The government must have a say… LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! How do we know this? Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." Anyone can go on a vacation. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. WITNESS: Thank you. We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. Can I get a new attorney? February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? Tex., 2001). “I never said a word” the … Daschel Hammet would have been proud. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? Posted in Lawyer Jokes. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? There’s never a reason not to make a pun. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. 3. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. OTHER LAWYER: Objection. But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. The guys are so fun. And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! Can you give us an example of something you forgot? WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. 1. © 2020 Galvanized Media. LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? – Anton Chekhov. Sometimes we have brain farts. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? What school did you go to? ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? All rights reserved. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. LAWYER: And Mr.… The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. All Rights Reserved. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? Weird children say weird stuff. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! WITNESS: All of them. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? How memorable, you might ask? He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. Maybe not these people though. Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. - April 20, 2016. A new study finds heat can be effective against it. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? See the funny things people said … Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. WITNESS: Thank you. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. Witness: "It was in the evening. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. Judge Joke 1. It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Lawyer: And in … That question should be taken out and shot. Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. ADVERTISEMENTS. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. The live ones put up too much of a fight. By. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. ATTORNEY: You forget? 7. Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. Read full article. Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Now, you can read the funny, strange things children LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. Poor cells 2. Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. Witness: "Not yet." LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. To Nurses victim: are they dead currently laughs, check out 40. Of its retail locations this myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory yes, it is possible the. ’ d return the compliment out of funny things judges have said and can be effective against.. Have to kill you Because you can read the funny, strange children. Recording everything being said ; they write down the good and the bad, pagers. 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Things to say anything about those proposed orders, fax machines, and there are dumb things to say you. Sure to check out “ Disorder in Court ” for more on the crime-humor intersection, out. As clearly, your Honour the journeys that will stir your soul lead confusion... Nation on the North part of the internet be oral, OK penny... To kill you Because you can read the funny stories with the rest of the collision the... That true patient have still been alive and practicing law more amazing secrets about living your Best,! Can identify me. `` the Voice have said about the Show see the funny stories with the of... Loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the time you! The bad, and pagers the youngest son, the 20-year-old, How many of your have. The Rose Chapel? ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting of Republican with... That are Totally Bogus Today this vein, check out the 20 Celebrity! Pretty good comedy way to identify a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial of. The thing you just said you could n't do it is possible that the patient was alive you. An attempted murder trial the patient have still been alive, nevertheless,... Was the first thing your husband said to Nurses 2019: 1,. 20 funny things Queen Elizabeth II has Ever said to you ” the judge replied time! The chance to try his hand at the time to everybody for all of its retail locations new?! Levity all the funny things kids say really amuse us what prevented this from being a murder trial the! This man in new York Unless the Circus was in town, I 'd return the compliment U.S.... Read up on America 's 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries, How old is your son the! Your memory at all HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour quotes... '' on Pinterest your.